Lonlieness

[tin_heart_gal]

I have been divorced for 9 years now, I have good days and bad days like all the rest.

I want to know what you do to cope with the lonlieness.

For me I have taken up photography.
I saw a small herd of elk in my back yard last winter.
I could not resist, something told me to grab the camera and snap a few shots.

They tuned out so well, my mom had them made into prins to hang on the walls.

I also bury myself in a lot of hard physical labor.

What do you do to cope with the lonlieness?

[Lena]

awww TinHeart!!
I hope you have more good days then bad!
Photography is a good one! You always have what you have done to look back on!

I like to do something with music or art!

[Penny]

PC when Im lonely

[Lena]

Well you won't be lonely for long on the PC!

[anewbeginning]

I am lonely alot...
I work, I read, I do yard work, and I work on my quilts... I had put them aside for a long time... now I work on them a bit here and there..
I also go online.. I am online way more than I should be..
I take my dog for a walk.. and I sometimes go to Lowes to see old friends, or walmart, booksamillion, or circuit city/best buy to just meander...

[Lena]

One thing I haven't done is a quilt!
Would love to try!

[anewbeginning]

wow, today is one of those days where it is hitting me hard....

my cell phone has been silent..
one friend I was counting on hasn't texted me in over 24 hours.. no goodnight, no good morning... nothing... I am not worried... and yet I am...
I pushed many people away lately and I am afraid I shouldn't have.. cuz now I am sitting here afraid, that I won't even have the few friends I once had..

will I be all alone? always? will I allow myself to open up to anyone? it is scary.. right now... my kids are gone, my friends are gone... my family is too far away...

I will admit now that I barely eat.. I leave the house only to get something that is needed... or for dance class.. my bills are piling up and I don't want to look at them... I have been putting a happy face on for many people but deep down I am terrified, scared, and sooooo alone...

I spend a few hours a day on my reading, quilting, gardening... but I surf the web to find someone to talk to... it is too quiet.. I am in and out of depression... it is very hard when you have noone... not a single soul... very hard indeed...

[Lena]

awww Anew!!!
I am so sorry you are having a bad time of it right now!!
Hopefully things will start to get better for you!
Don't you know anyone from your dance class you could go out for drinks or a meal with?
We need to get you out and meeting new people!!
But how?

[SassynSweet]

classes are an excellent way to meet new people. you get to learn things that interest you, and it immediately puts you next to people that have at least one thing in common with you. volunteering is also another way to do that.. and help someone that needs it at the same time! I'm working two jobs right now.. so I don't have much time to do anything .. so I'm still pretty much on an island here by myself, but at least I'm busy!

[anewbeginning]

I just checked the hiking group I am a part of and they have a hiking trip coming up. Unfortunately and fortunately my son will be here. I will be home with him.

So that is one thing I have.

Today I cranked the music up while I quilted and when I was outside. That helped.

But really, this is killing me. I can't leave everytime I get lonely. I am going nuts.

[SassynSweet]

I understand the problem well anew... i'm in one of those lonely days myself today. I have TONS of things I need to get done, but I don't want to do anything. I hate the pity pot days.. it's a gorgeous day here.. sun is out.. and really.. life is good. I lost two people in my life over the last couple days.. two I thought were friends and turns out they weren't. I know I'm better off knowing this now.. I don't need hurtful people in my life.. it's just a matter of coming to terms with it, and letting go. I hate this anxious feeling in my stomach .. I usually don't stay in this mode long because it's so uncomfortable to me now. So.. it's a keep busy day for me!

[anewbeginning]

Yes, we need to keep ourselves busy. The moment we stop we start thinking. And I have learned that in this mood, thinking is a bad thing. LOL.

[Midlifecrazy]

Loneliness is the biggest thing that drove me to make the decision to leave my marraige. A friend of mine who has been divorced for several yrs used to tell me "at least you have someone there". My thought was that it was worse to have someone right next to, in the same bed, same house, and still feel such a terrible loneliness because there was no longer a satisfying, adult relationship. I lost my partner and hard as I tried....couldn't find him. Was told that at least if you are by yourself, there is always a chance you will eventually have someone there. With that space already occupied....can't/won't happen
Have been warned by my 'therapist' not to expect the loneliness to disappear anytime soon. Am looking for ways to occupy my time and so far, I am doing ok...Good friends, concerned daughters help keep me grounded. This starting over at 50+ is not gonna be easy tho.....:confused:

[UltimateNaneki]

The PC does not always work for me, I get lonely just watching everyone having fun and just watch.
I have tried the TV and DVDs but how many times can one watch the same movies.
And sure I have tried going for a walk but alone is so lonely especially when you have nowhere to go.

[UltimateNaneki]

I still have problems with the loneliness actually. Being alone with someone or just being alone alone,there really is no difference. One day they may find a cure for loneliness and I would like lots of pills.

[Lena]

Is there no one you can go out with for an evening?
Places where there will be other people?

[anewbeginning]

The PC does not always work for me, I get lonely just watching everyone having fun and just watch.
I have tried the TV and DVDs but how many times can one watch the same movies.
And sure I have tried going for a walk but alone is so lonely especially when you have nowhere to go.

I will agree with being more lonely when you see others "in love" or having fun and you just can't get in there and do it. There are days I get so very upset when I log onto that other site and see nothing but, "I love him, I love her, he is amazing, she is hot, I can't wait to talk to them again."

Makes me wanna barf sometimes. But go in and have some fun anyhow.

[tallguy32]

Yikes. It's a little sad in this thread. I'm new here so I'll just jump in with a fresh perspective.
Get outside. Do anything active. Walking is okay but it can be sad too. Do something that fires your endorphins. Run, ride a mountian bike. Your body creates endorphins for free, why pay for drugs?
I'll be the first to admit that I need to practice what I preach. I'm starting today.

[NotTooGirly]

I resisted coming into this thread because I figured I hadn't really had to deal with feeling lonely so far (oh, what a liar I am!). But today it's kicked me in the head and just about floored me. I know all the standard tricks for dealing with it - distraction, activity, and all that - but what I really need is to know that I've got friends I can turn to and that someone will be there...and that's just not happening for me, which makes this even harder. Not only am I trying to build a new life for myself, I need to find new friends as well, making a difficult job even tougher, and it's a one-two punch that's really got me on the ropes right now. I'm hoping that coming in here for a little uncharacteristic soul-baring might help somewhat, so...please be gentle. :o

[Heart *HLW*]

Maybe I shouldn't be in this site yet...but my husband and I are splitting up. I'm hoping to be divorced within a year or so. It has been very hard the past many years of deployments and various things.

I do have two young children that keep me entertained but I find I miss cuddling on the couch and watching movies. Or finding something funny in an adult way but I do not have someone to share that with.

I used to read books constantly and it drove my husband mad. Now I rarely have time to read. The kids keep me going but I still cannot get past the lonely feelings.

I've thought of photography....tinny....GREAT idea!

I love yard work and gardening...I do some quilting when my kids let me....I'm an all around hardworker with a big heart and very genuine personality. Yet I feel that I will always be lonely.

[tin_heart_gal]

I feel that I will always be lonely.

Aww, hon *HUGS*

I know how hard it is to get past the emptiness, the lonlieness,
And feeling like there is nothing in the futue for you.


It is a long and painful road, but you know what I say.
"That which does not kill me better run awfully darned fast"
Oh no wait,thats not it...

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger"
Yeah thats it.

Honey, I promise you, it WILL get better,
that is what you have freinds for.
Thats why this board was created, for those of us who have been there and done that, and those who are about to go through it.

We are all here to support one another an find creative solutions to over come the lonlieness.
I am always here for you babygirl, you know that.

Love you much!

~Tinny~

[anewbeginning]

Aww, hon *HUGS*

I know how hard it is to get past the emptiness, the lonlieness,
And feeling like there is nothing in the futue for you.


It is a long and painful road, but you know what I say.
"That which does not kill me better run awfully darned fast"
Oh no wait,thats not it...

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger"
Yeah thats it.

Honey, I promise you, it WILL get better,
that is what you have freinds for.
Thats why this board was created, for those of us who have been there and done that, and those who are about to go through it.

We are all here to support one another an find creative solutions to over come the lonlieness.
I am always here for you babygirl, you know that.

Love you much!

~Tinny~

I couldn't have said it any better!!!

Only it is so hard to believe that it gets better... just try to keep the faith and tell yourself... today is going to be better than yesterday...

[tin_heart_gal]

It is hard to believe that it'll get better.

There will always be the really tough days, when your stressed to the max,
the kids have painted the walls in chunky peanut butter and grape jelly,
the phone is ringing off the hook with some annoying telemarketer wanting to sell you something you could do without, the dogs have taken your brand new bra drug it out in the living room and are now using it as a tug of rope toy.
Your computer is screaming saying it has picked up a virus and needs your immediate attention, the smoke alarm is going off because your new recipie for tequila lime fajitas
has been miss printed and now you have something resembling charcoal.

And you wish desperatly that someone was there to give you a hand.
Yes ma'am,
I have been there done that moved on.
Especially today, I am coming down sick, I can feel it.
My kids are having a contest to see who can have the biggest attitude,
The baby is tossing around bouncy balls trying to play withthe cats,
I have no idea whats for supper,
And I can't get up and do anything.
No my cupboards dont have PB and J on them,
they do however have smashed potatos and cranberry sauce.

Itll get better babe.
Promise.

[NotTooGirly]

The bitch of it all is that when the days are the toughest, that's when you must also be the toughest...easier said than done. Even a strong person will break down from time to time - it happens no matter what. I have shed my share of tears and I expect that's going to be the case now and then whenever I have a particularly bad day. But we must - we simply must - pick our heads up and keep going. We have to depend on ourselves, and on each other, to get through these times if only because they will make the good times...and there will be good times...even sweeter.

[anewbeginning]

I sure hope there will be good times... I am getting so frustrated... missing him.. and not able to let another in that close again... I hate myself for screwing up... if I hadn't maybe he would still be a big part of my life... and maybe I would still have someone....

[NotTooGirly]

What do you do to cope with the loneliness?
Tonight, nothing that's working. I guess it's my turn for a bad day...started slipping away from me this afternoon and I'm about ready to go get in bed (at 8pm!) and read or watch something funny or do anything besides cry. Maybe I was overdue, I don't know, but I'll be glad when it passes. How sad is it that I wish it were PMS instead? :rolleyes:

Goodnight, folks. I'll see you - in a better frame of mind - tomorrow.

[anewbeginning]

Tonight, nothing that's working. I guess it's my turn for a bad day...started slipping away from me this afternoon and I'm about ready to go get in bed (at 8pm!) and read or watch something funny or do anything besides cry. Maybe I was overdue, I don't know, but I'll be glad when it passes. How sad is it that I wish it were PMS instead? :rolleyes:

Goodnight, folks. I'll see you - in a better frame of mind - tomorrow.

I am soooooo sorry... it sucks... http://content.sweetim.com/sim/cpie/emoticons/0002020B.gif (http://www.sweetim.com/s.asp?im=gen&lpver=3&ref=10)

[tallguy32]

Sorry to hear it NTG. We all have those moments. Mine are triggered by a dissapointment or just wondering if anyone really cares. I know people care but some times it gets hard to remember it. Every one elses life goes on and I'm still living in this one.
Hope you feel better after a good nights sleep.
TG

[NotTooGirly]

Thanks Anew and TG. It did pass and I woke up feeling much better yesterday, so it's all good. I'm gonna chalk that one up to the lousy weather and keep smilin'. ;)

[Lena]

Good you to know you are smiling NTGirly!!

[anewbeginning]

I am so glad you snapped out of it muffin... sooooo very glad... I am trying.. it is hard... but I am trying

[LadyMoon]

I am new at all this, but even before my husband moved out.. I remembered how lonely it could be back when I was single. Now, of course, with two children, working more, household stuff to do.. well, the only time I get a glimpse of loneliness is when the kids head over to his place. One evening after work I dropped them over to his place and then cried the entire drive home.. (it made me feel sympathy for how he must feel, since it tends to be he who is usually the one driving away without them.)

Space was what I wanted however, so early this evening when they all cleared out, I finished decorating the cookies (which I thoroughly enjoyed!) and then made sushi for the first time. Then I went out and did a bit of grocery shopping. Now I am all cozy and catching up on some t.v. shows with I PVR'd. :)

When I am bored and lonely I know I overeat, so I need to keep my eye on that. I have already gained over 5 lbs. :(

[anewbeginning]

lately I am not as lonely.. Jr is home.. but otherwise it is hard.. I work at home... I barely leave the house.. I force myself to go out to eat sometimes just to get out...

jan will be lonely for me but I have a few things planned... a couple of trips.. I am excited..

[LadyMoon]

Yes New.. you need to get out of the house.. definitely. I am like you, I think.. It's easier for me to just hole-up at home but I know I am happier and healthier when I go to the gym regularly and put on make-up and get out. With 2 new jobs in the new year, i guess I will be craving my at home time more, but I know it will be good to get out!!

You should join something. I wish I knew what to join. I have been trying to fill that loneliness void with joining clubs and starting things over the last few years.. but everything finally came to a head with hubby and here I am.

Loneliness CAN be okay in small doses. I enjoy a bit of melancholy now and then. We need to appreciate our own company before we can expect others to appreciate us!! When I am all alone and I feel that "pit" in my stomach.. I either get out and go pick up a coffee and drive or shop if I can.. or start a craft project or hobby at home.

Trying not to always hit the computer...

[anewbeginning]

I do have my dance class two nights a week... I am enjoying those... and I am finding that I don't need to be online as much anymore... I have my quilts which I am slowly getting together... books.. and a friend who is insisting that I hike with him soon... he wants to do our monthly hikes again... heheh

[tallguy32]

I'm going out with my friends more, lunch, dinner, just to check out the bike shops. Facebook has brought some old friends back to me. I joined a new gym today with some enticing eye candy.... ever watched a dancer do her stretches? Oh My God.

I've learned that despite what I might think I'm not ready to date yet. I need to spend some more time getting to know me again. I'm going to stop pushing myself. When I'm ready she'll be there. I do still need an occasional..... release and I've found that. Someone I care about (can't do it without) but I know I'll never have a future with.

[NotTooGirly]

ever watched a dancer do her stretches? Oh My God.
ROTFLMAO...and you said I'd been married too long! ;)

Glad to hear you're sorting things out for yourself, TG...sounds like the pieces are falling into place for you nicely, too - finding what you need when you need it is a great thing.

[LadyMoon]

I do have my dance class two nights a week... I am enjoying those... and I am finding that I don't need to be online as much anymore... I have my quilts which I am slowly getting together... books.. and a friend who is insisting that I hike with him soon... he wants to do our monthly hikes again... heheh

Sounds fantastic!! I am proud of you.. :)
Especially when you are working from home, it's easy to get in the habit of staying in. I think it's great that you are getting out doing some physical stuff and getting your hobbies out again. I need to follow your lead, New. :)

[Lena]

Used to do dance classes of all varieties, before I got married!
I love doing all the different types of dances!