Depression

[anewbeginning]

Does anyone else find that they go through depression during this change?

I had a very major bout with it a few days ago. It completely took my body over. I was in the middle of Walmart and my body started to shake uncontrollably. I had been fighting it all morning and thought being in public would make things better. I quit shopping, paid for all my stuff somehow, somehow made it past all the cars lined up for gas, got home and shut down. I cried, I yelled, I lost control. The few online friends I have I shut out. I didn't respond to them, to phone calls, and I told one friend to leave me alone forever. One friend told me I was playing the pity card and I went off on them. Depression is serious. There is nothing you can do to stop it, when it takes over, it completely takes over.

Now, my question. Other than going to a doctor what can I do to keep this at bay? I am feeling great today.

[Lena]

Good to hear you are doing great today!
Don't know if exercise will help with depression, besides going to the Doctor's!
Just wondered about maybe the breathing during the exercises would help at all!
Hope you keep feeling the way you do today Anew!!

[Wanda Ring]

I know how you are feeling, I don't fully understand why I am doing it but I'm slowly pushing and sending a lot of people away, including those that were once special, out of my life. I feel so far from them and sometimes I just don't care, I really dont mean to hurt them but I need this space from them right now and they dont get it. I guess it's a way of protecting myself or maybe a question of trust...I don't know.

Some days I just don't want to deal with any more bullshit and wonder if I'm being lied to or used or if I'm just bugging others by feeling this way...so I find it easier to just pull away from everyone and zoning out.

Maybe there isn't a simple answer...maybe we just have to go through this and find our own way out when the time is right.

[tin_heart_gal]

Well, about 6 months after my first divorce, I went through something pretty similar.

I think if you feel better today, then you are workng it out of your system, this is a good thing.

Sometimes, teh best thing to do is to let it run its course.
Just remember do not let yourself get lost in that feeling.

I know it is easy to do, to just withdrawl, hide in yourself, and immerse yourself in your pain and misery.
You need to find a way to work that pain out, to express your frustrations and to pull yourself out of a funk.

Sometimes it takes just turning the phone off,and yelling and screaming and having a good cry.
Sometimes it helps to have someone to talk to.
An no matter how hard you push people away, your true friends will see that you are suffering right now, and they will always be there when your done having a bad day.

Just remember, if you ever need an ear to bend, I am always around.

*HUGS*

[SassynSweet]

Yes.. I went through this also. There are some herbal supplements that can help a little.. but in the end, it's all in our heads. My first instinct is always to retreat.. to hide.. to shut out. As the negative thinking begins, I can begin to see other things also negatively.. and so it escalates. This is my tendency anytime anything happens to hurt my feelings.. and it goes way back to age 7 or 8 for reasons I'm not ready to get into yet... It's not that I have a low self-esteem, it's that I have NONE. So when anything happens, I'm sure it's because I am not wanted/loved/desired/worthy/ blah blah. The scary thing about these times is how dark it can get inside our heads. Here's my suggestion: Begin a gratitude book. A small notebook .. when you find something to be grateful for, write it. Good days especially.. make that list as long as you possibly can. From the simpleness of taking time to notice the first daffodil blooming in spring (if at all possible, take a picture and put it in!!) .. I did this.. and even then turned the camera on me smiling next to the darn thing .. yes, neighbors think i'm crazy anyway ;).

On the bad days.. grab the book. Begin first by reading past entries.. try to put yourself back into that moment, that feeling, that good place. Then.. on a clear page, force yourself to write .. it's pretty darn hard let me tell you! but do it. Not only does it pull your focus to NOW, it also forces you to do some serious mental exercises to focus on something positive when all we want to do is shut down. This has been the most incredible exercise I've ever found for turning myself around. I do it now without writing.. just in my head when even small hints of junk start seeping in!

In the begnning, you can do this and still be alone with it. I have a friend I can call now.. and empty all the bad things out to .. and she helps me list the good .. we shared a 12 step program together (Alanon) and she is the one that taught me this technique. I'll be more than happy to be a phone buddy to anyone that would like :)

Try this .. let me know how it works for YOU!

[anewbeginning]

I will try this. I used to make friends and chat with them but that time is gone. Those friends are looking for more than I can give them and they tend to turn elsewhere when I am not enough, thus leaving me with noone to talk to anymore. I am having a hard time trusting anyone also. But a notebook is doable.

I will say today I worked on my yard a bit and on my quilt and that helped but when it came down to it. There was noone to talk to and that is the hardest thing for me to deal with. I am very gregarious, while I may not be the most talkative person in a room, I do like to talk and listen. I like to feel like I belong, if that makes sense. Right now I do not feel like I belong.

[tin_heart_gal]

Anew,
I have said it before and I will say it again hon,
If you ever need someone to talk to, or vent, or yell and scream at, I am always here for you hon.

[anewbeginning]

Thank you Heart. It is a long slow process but I will turn to you when I need you. This I promise.

[reboot]

Still in depression.........comes and goes.......really blue at times..

[Lena]

Sorry to hear that Reboot!
Hope you don't get blue too often!

[anewbeginning]

Reboot, some advice I got today is that I need to see someone. The depression is hitting me alot lately. Some of it because of mixed signals I am getting from someone I am close to. But most of it is because I am having such a hard time coping with the lonliness. I was always depressed to some extent but it is hitting me harder and harder as the days go by. I need to find that natural herbal thing sassy or heart was talking about. If it helps a little bit I really want to use it.

[Penny]

I myself am tempted to seek help for it. Sometimes things are just to tough to deal with

[Lena]

Someone else looking in from a different point of view, and can see things which we haven't been able to!

[anewbeginning]

Today I got hit by another wave of it.

I was stood up on for a breakfast date and I was devestated.

It wouldn't have been so bad but I wasn't going to meet him, I originally told him no. But I caved. I drove an hour to get there, waited an hour, and then drove another hour home. The entire time I was in tears. The funny thing is, I woke up in tears already. Just wasn't in a great mood to begin with.

To deal with it I am working and trying to keep my mind off it on the other site. It is working very little. I really just need to get out of here for some fun.

[Lena]

Ohhh I am so sorry Anew!!
That wasn't nice!

[socialgirl73]

Hi Anew! I have suffered from depression my entire life and I finally have it under control. What I do is journal, read, and dance. I also take medication and I STRONGLY recommend seeing a doctor. There is no shame in it! My medication has taken the clouds away and given me the push to help myself. Oh!!...and don't forget to not sweat the small stuff...:D

[reboot]

Anew....me too.. depression is really hard on me today. wife moved out a while ago. but it was like it was yesterday---never new it was coming------to the end of our lives together

[SassynSweet]

sorry to hear reboot... I think maybe something was in the air today.. I had a rough one too.. some issues losing two friends that turned out to be not friends afterall... even my book of gratitude didn't do much for me... I got lucky and found a friend to talk to .. helped take my mind off things.. made the clock tick faster... and now the day is nearly over.. I can only now hope for a better day tomorrow!

[anewbeginning]

I am doing better. I talked to my friend and it was as I originally thought. His wife was screwing with me. I had a nice long talk with him last night, he came by the house, and I told him I wasn't going to deal with that. He needed to know that I was not in a serious relationship with him. He may care for me alot, but I was not allowing him in. I have been hurt too much lately for him to hurt me yet again. It is not happening. And I told him to tell his wife to back off of me, I had nothing to do with their problems. That was all them, I just came in and offered support to him.

[anewbeginning]

Anew....me too.. depression is really hard on me today. wife moved out a while ago. but it was like it was yesterday---never new it was coming------to the end of our lives together

Hang in there reboot. I know it hurts. I know. But we are here to support you.