First Dates

[SassynSweet]

oh boy. Now i've gone and done it. I joined singlesnet.. got nowhere. So I figured as long as my feet were a little damp, I might try match.com. I've talked to a guy on and off for a couple weeks now, and on the phone a couple times. I'm obviously in no hurry, and told him so. He's asked 3 times when he gets to meet me ... so I finally caved in and agreed to next Saturday (working 2 jobs, it's the only day of the week I can do anything at all... and today I had a date with Miss Clairol!).

I haven't had a first date in about 5 years now.. maybe 6? What was I thinking?!?!?!?!?!

[Lena]

awwww Sassy!!
Are you feeling nervous now??
Over here they have been advertising Match.com saying that they have more handsome guys with them now!!
Now when that comes on I will be thinking of you!!
And of course after your Date, we need to hear all about it!!
Just being nosey!!
Hope it all goes well for you!!

[SassynSweet]

thanks lena.. yes.. a bit nervous.. and i'm sure it will just get worse as the week goes by! I've never been very social.. i've got some long history of being treated like dirt, and self esteem issues that go back to age 7 ... I think those are the hardest ones to overcome because they are at the core of who I am. M&F has been great for me to practice accepting compliments and attention.. it was safe .. no involvements, so I was a lot more comfortable with it. But this is real.. lol .. in person .. up close and personal! It's not like I think this guy is "the one" or anything like that .. it's just I'm pretty inexperienced with men. I've only said "i love you" to two in my life, and have only dated maybe 4 .. 5 at the most. I've never been one for the casual dates for the sake of dating.. if there's no connection with a possibility for more, I've never seen the point. My life is too busy, and my time is at a premium.

ok.. i'm definately nervous.. i'm blogging here in a post! I'll keep this updated.. lol

[Lena]

Well that's ok!! Might help your nervousness to blog here!!
The nerves might go after the first 5 minutes, he might be someone who can make you feel at ease and be yourself!
Are you meeting for dinner? Somewhere nice?

[SassynSweet]

yes.. dinner.. but not nice.. lol. it's a local bar that has incredible perch.. and we both love fish. We've spent a fair amount of time talking now.. phone and email and im .. we do have lots in common. I'm currently much overweight, so very self conscious. I've been losing steadily for the past 6 months now (30 down!). I've told him about this .. so he shouldn't be surprised. But there's always that moment.. when you watch their face for the reaction.. maybe i should have waited 30 more pounds.. lol

[Penny]

Please be careful and let someone know where you will be.

[SassynSweet]

oh yes.. i've been around a bit.. lol.. been divorced 19 years.. and have met a few net whackos! I've already verified name, address and phone number.. and meeting in a public place .. with family knowing where i am, and how to reach this guy ;)

I'm nothing if not smart about this kind of stuff.. but thank yoU!

[Lena]

You do seem to have everything covered!
That is good!!

[Lena]

yes.. dinner.. but not nice.. lol. it's a local bar that has incredible perch.. and we both love fish. We've spent a fair amount of time talking now.. phone and email and im .. we do have lots in common. I'm currently much overweight, so very self conscious. I've been losing steadily for the past 6 months now (30 down!). I've told him about this .. so he shouldn't be surprised. But there's always that moment.. when you watch their face for the reaction.. maybe i should have waited 30 more pounds.. lol

I bet you look great!!
We always find something about ourselves we don't like and be self conscious about!
He will like you for you!!

[anewbeginning]

awww sassy! yay! let us know how it goes!

[Lola]

Dating is always a nerve wrecking experience, I find that if I go in with no expectations and treat the date like I am meeting up with a new friend then I get less nervous and enjoy myself more. I wish you all the best on your date sassy!

[SassynSweet]

ok.. i had fun. lol!!! He was even a bit more handsome than his picture, always a plus. I've had a couple red flags pop up in the course of our conversations before meeting .. so by the time the date rolled around, I was starting to lean towards he's not going to work out, so there's nothing to worry about. Going in thinking like that actually helped.. lol.. I was relaxed, and able to be myself. We sat for 2 hours eating and chatting, which was very nice. We've been talking a couple times a day on the phone.. often for an hour or longer at a time. I had lost my job on Tuesday, and oddly... he was laid off on Friday. He's a GM guy, so he'll be called back, and collect most of his pay in the meantime.. so he's in good shape.
At the end of the date, as we said goodbye.. he told me he had a very nice time and would like to do it again.. if I would be willing. I told him I think all first dates should end with no further plans.. that both people should go home and think over the evening and whether or not they wanted to proceed. He emailed me an hour later to thank me again for a great night.. lol.

I haven't yet decided .. the flags are there.. and were not eased .. in fact, they may have raised farther. I have to remember, the odds of meeting the perfect guy on the first try was probably slim.. lol!!! I had already discussed my concerns about these flag items, so he should be aware if he was listening. If he wasn't listening, then that just raises another flag!! I think over the next couple days, I'll talk to him a lot.. and share with him my concerns. I have a deal breaker here.. alcohol. My dad died from alcoholism, my ex hubby and ex-ex-bf were both alcoholics, and my ex-bf was in aa 13 years, but managed to develop a drug dependency to legit pain meds with his back issues. I've had my fill of substance abuse! I am hyper-sensitive to it.. I know it.. but it is who I am. He had 2 drinks with dinner.. and today talked again about having been at the club with the boys watching football.. then heading to the bar to meet his buddy.

ok.. i'm blogging again.. sorry!!! Bottom line.. i just don't know. He's nice, sweet, attentive, and so many other wonderful traits.. but I just can't allow that boundary to be moved. *sigh*

more to follow.. i'm sure!

[anewbeginning]

hey, there are people out there who can socially drink without it being an addiction... kind of watch him when he drinks... I drink but I am no alcoholic... don't let it make you run for the hills just because he does...

It sounds like you had a great time and I am soooo happy for you... yes, you are right, the flags are an issue, if he didn't pick up on it then there is something wrong, but I think it is wise of you to discuss it with him... be open and honest...

congrats on a good first date!

[tallguy32]

Your deal breakers are your deal breakers. Never move an inch on them. For anyone, for any reason. You are worth exactly what you want and not a thing less

[SassynSweet]

Well.. he made it easy for me.. lol. He called again later .. drunk on his butt. Now I'm sorry, but when someone tells you their parent died from alcohol abuse.. and all 3 long term relationships in their life also involved alcohol or drug abuse.. would you seriously call someone you just met after getting blasted? I ended the call quickly.. to me, talking to a drunk is like nails on a chalkboard! Anew.. I get what you're saying .. heck, I drink a couple times a year too.. but not every time an opportunity to do so presents itself, and it seemed that that's what he was doing.

I sent an email to him the next day, and explained my issues, and that I was NOT saying he had a problem with drinking.. but that I did. He replied that he could respect what I'd been through and totally understood, but he was who he was. It's funny.. he ended by telling me he had to rush, he was heading to the bar with friends.

This was really good for me though .. it was practice being out there and social. It was practice to remind me that while yes, I would love to find someone to share my life with, I've made wrong choices before, and it's ok to be more selective and find the person that I can be happy with.. truly happy. I'm ok on my own most of the time, and I am so very grateful for that - it keeps me from jumping into unhealthy relationships again!

[anewbeginning]

Well I am glad you saw the truth in him and I am glad you got out there and got it started.... Woohooo... it is a step in the right direction...

I was out yesterday.. my normal Saturday at Sidelines to get a beer and dinner... I met a really nice guy there... we got caught up talking and he gave me his number.. asked me to call him and that he would love to take me out on his boat one day when it warms up.. I am supposed to meet him and his friend at the lakesite for a Veterans Day BBQ today, but after reading my horoscope I have decided to let it wait for one day... I will call him on Monday..