Wanda Ring
12-03-2008, 08:35 PM
In my counselling and within my life, I am begging to realize how limited and closed off I am in my own personal space and at allowing people to get close to me. I can feel deep empathy and sympathy for just about anyone, and although my close friends are very special to me, I only allow them to be within arms length of me. I avoid getting close to people because of a very abusive childhood and because living in Foster Care taught me not to get too close to anyone because they leave…for good and bad reasons, but they always end up leaving. So all of my life I kept myself from becoming too attached to anyone…until this past May.
I met a guy on the sister site (M&F). He came across as very sweet, caring, and understanding and a gentle person. He understood me more then I understood myself, he knew how I would react to situations and was ready to respond. He touched me as no other person had in my life. The best things I liked about him was his ability to calm me down, his use of humour and that he could have a conversation without bringing sex into it or leading a conversation into how horny he was, it was always about me. We quickly became emotionally involved even though I fought him all the way, I tried to push him away several times but he kept pushing back, and I allowed myself to become closer to him. In my head, I knew it wrong because he did not belong to me; he belonged to his wife and family.
His wife recently came down hard on him about the time he was spending on the net and all texting he was getting and receiving (not just from me). We both realized that we had to pull away from what we had (and no, it was not sexual). I wanted to leave the friendship altogether so that he could concentrate on his family and do what he needed to do to fix things, but he was very upset and sadden that I wanted to leave…even if it was for a good reason, he asked me not to leave his life, to continue to be in it, to be his friend.
I do care deeply for him and wonder if I am making things worse for him or preventing him from doing what needs to be done by not leaving him. I stayed because I know his pain and his struggles that he’s facing, the situations that we’ve faced together and the bond that we have and hurting him more stops me from leaving…from not blocking him out from my life, I just don’t want him to have any more pain.
Does it ever get it easier? How do we know what the right thing to do is? Is hurting someone ever the right thing to do?
I met a guy on the sister site (M&F). He came across as very sweet, caring, and understanding and a gentle person. He understood me more then I understood myself, he knew how I would react to situations and was ready to respond. He touched me as no other person had in my life. The best things I liked about him was his ability to calm me down, his use of humour and that he could have a conversation without bringing sex into it or leading a conversation into how horny he was, it was always about me. We quickly became emotionally involved even though I fought him all the way, I tried to push him away several times but he kept pushing back, and I allowed myself to become closer to him. In my head, I knew it wrong because he did not belong to me; he belonged to his wife and family.
His wife recently came down hard on him about the time he was spending on the net and all texting he was getting and receiving (not just from me). We both realized that we had to pull away from what we had (and no, it was not sexual). I wanted to leave the friendship altogether so that he could concentrate on his family and do what he needed to do to fix things, but he was very upset and sadden that I wanted to leave…even if it was for a good reason, he asked me not to leave his life, to continue to be in it, to be his friend.
I do care deeply for him and wonder if I am making things worse for him or preventing him from doing what needs to be done by not leaving him. I stayed because I know his pain and his struggles that he’s facing, the situations that we’ve faced together and the bond that we have and hurting him more stops me from leaving…from not blocking him out from my life, I just don’t want him to have any more pain.
Does it ever get it easier? How do we know what the right thing to do is? Is hurting someone ever the right thing to do?