Second Chances??

[LadyMoon]

My husband and I are separated... but I am having second thoughts. I have seen big changes in him and although I am not convinced he will be able to trust me again after this, I am still leaning towards working this out.

When we decided to split.. it was not pretty, of course... but it was civil. I really did not believe that I would ever want to get back together based on how I felt. I was ready to be alone, rather than in a marriage which made me sad.

We still have heated conversations, and we definitely will require counseling to get through this, I think.. in order to learn how to agree to disagree about the issues which cause all the heat. But I feel good about him.

I dont' know about that first-time-crazy-passion that we have when we first fall in love, but I do love him and I think if we can learn to make "couple" time for one another that romantic feelings could come back.

Anyway.. I would appreciate any thoughts. At first, when we split.. i was feeling strongly that once love goes it cannot come back. Now I am not sure, and I want to believe that it can.

Thanks everyone! Any thoughts appreciated.. and please don't kick me out of this community cuz I am thinking of getting back together! (hee hee)

:)

p.s. this decision is not because I think it will be better for my kids.. they are perfectly fine and happy. I am basing this completely on my husband an I as a couple only!

[anewbeginning]

I feel strongly that if you want to make something work, you have to try... you need to do anything you can to make it work... I have been working with a friend of mine at the other place on what he thinks... he realizes that it takes two.. it isn't all her in the wrong.. and he is striving to help fix the marriage... I am about to lose him to the real world and I will miss him terribly.. but I know that his life, his wife... comes first.. and he has said that he will stay in contact with me.. that he would need my support.. a kind of sounding board.. but always I am there only to encourage him...

I think if you want to try it again.. you should... if you stay here we can support you... and I would so like to see a happy ending...

[NotTooGirly]

Can you live without the trust? I think that's the essential question here (at least it would be for me). Because you're not convinced you can get it back, so you need to determine how important that is to rebuilding the life you'd want the two of you to have. Aside from that it sounds like you, at least, are willing to put in the work to get things going again...and if he's also willing, well, that's a big hurdle overcome there and you could have a good shot at it.

Good luck, Moonie. :)

[LadyMoon]

Thanks Ladies.. I am torn between saying "I want to do whatever I want!" and respecting that some things, like continuing to have chat friends.. is difficult for him and he will never be able to accept that. I think he can with the women, but as far as flirting sites go.. well, that will be totally off limits. At first, I was not willing to do that, I was so obsessed.. but I have moved on, I think.. it was a phase. I would still find it hard to commit to "never" having a peek to see who is on, read a couple of posts etc.. but I just don't have the desire to participate as much. I need somewhere though, so maybe this will be the place...

Maybe a new section for "separated and working on it" or "second chances" or something about working on current relationships. It seems like maybe it could fit with this place??

Anyway yes. The trust thing. I am not sure how that will work out, NTG, and that is my biggest concern. I have broken a trust and he is very black& white where I am definitely gray. I do not need a lot of space, I don't think.. but I do need some. And I do need the freedom to express what I REALLY feel without worrying about bruising egos and hurting feelings. I no longer want to be so accommodating that I begin to resent. Pushing it all down only ends up exploding eventually in negative ways!!

I think some sort of relationship will help. Just wanting to get through the holidays right now so I think I will just acquiesce as much as possible and enjoy the kids for now!!

[tallguy32]

My wife never trusted me. I never gave her a reason not to, it's was simply part of her to mistrust the world. We are talking about a woman who would count dishes in the dish washer to see if someone was there when she wasn't. Would question me if I came home from work 20 minutes later than usual. It's one of the biggest reasons we split. A person can't live life when they know they need to be able to account for where they where every minute that they where out of the house.
I will never again be in a relationship without trust. It's too draining on my soul.

[LadyMoon]

Wow.. yes, that sounds pretty heavy. I can't say my husband was like that.. but because I did something that caused the lack of trust, it's difficult to blame him for the lack of trust.. (long story, well. what story isn't really)

I do appreciate the sentiment.. trust is very important...