Confessions

[tallguy32]

Allright I've been a bad boy and I need to come clean. I know I'm among friends here so here goes.
I've been sleeping with my soon to be ex wife. We both know that we have no future together, we just enjoy each other more now that there are no expectations. Is she what I want for my future? Not even close. But I know her, she knows me.
Is this so bad? Are we doing damage to each other? Am I only making the moving on harder?
I have been looking for another lady but to be honest I don't think I'm ready to find one. My sexual needs are being filled right now so it takes the presure off for finding another lady.
I've never been really good at being single, I just like sex too much.
Alright people lets hear it....

[NotTooGirly]

First thing: If you say "I knew you'd reply first, NTG" I will drive to Edmonton and kick your huge ass, so don't even think about it. :p

You're hardly the first one to think of this, TG, so personally I'd say that as long as both you and she know exactly what's what, who gives a crap what anyone else thinks about it? Of course, I emphasized "exactly" because that's where the problems can start...is there any chance that she'll think this means a reconciliation is on the horizon/get clingy/turn into a raving psycho? You need to be damned sure of that or else you'll find yourself in a world of hurt that will make your initial separation look like child's play. You've said numerous times that you're not ready for another relationship, so if this gives you what you need (and doesn't set you up for something worse down the road), go for it.

[socialgirl73]

Allright I've been a bad boy and I need to come clean. I know I'm among friends here so here goes.
I've been sleeping with my soon to be ex wife. We both know that we have no future together, we just enjoy each other more now that there are no expectations. Is she what I want for my future? Not even close. But I know her, she knows me.
Is this so bad? Are we doing damage to each other? Am I only making the moving on harder?
I have been looking for another lady but to be honest I don't think I'm ready to find one. My sexual needs are being filled right now so it takes the presure off for finding another lady.
I've never been really good at being single, I just like sex too much.
Alright people lets hear it....

Wow...we should talk. I did that while the divorce was in process and a few times after the divorce was final. It was more a matter of comfort and security to me...I needed something familiar...someone to want me if only for a minute...sound pathetic?...Well, I was able to let go without any emotional complications. For me, the relationship was damaged enough that it was beyond repair...so sex was just a way of staying connected without having to commit. We are better friends than ever although we will never again be a couple. I think it is normal to have "closure sex." You are not alone TG...:cool:

[tallguy32]

Whew, I was worried you ladies where going to tear me a new one. I'd have deserved it. It's kind of funny. While we are together we discuss the process of our divorce and waht our next steps are to get it done and over with. Pretty sure we both know what the score is.
Social it's exactly like what you say, I know the relationship is finished. It's just sex for me. I like how you say it, it's a way of staying connected without commitment. I don't want commitment at this point in my life but I still like feeling connected to another person.

NTG. I didn't know you would be the first to reply, but I knew you would reply and I was curious to see what you would write. You know I value your thoughts on a huge range of subjects. You never fail to dissapoint.

Thank you both. TG

[LadyMoon]

I have been and still am sleeping with my hubby, ever since we started the separation talk... I am now hoping we can work things out, but that was not the case when it began. I felt that the physical intimacy was what we both needed to get through all this drama.

As I said, now I do want to fix things in my marriage, but not at first.. so no reason to feel guilty or bad, as long as you both know what it is and she is not clearly hoping for a resolution?? That would be the only important thing to address, I think.

[tallguy32]

Wow I had no idea this was so common. I feel a bit better about it now.

We both know that there will be no resolution. I simply don't want to be married and she saw how miserable being married made me. I will not go back to that.

[NotTooGirly]

So, am I the only one here not sleeping with my soon-to-be ex? :p Just being silly...we all do what we need to do to get ourselves through these things. I hope that things work out well for all of you.


NTG. I didn't know you would be the first to reply, but I knew you would reply and I was curious to see what you would write. You know I value your thoughts on a huge range of subjects. You never fail to dissapoint.
That is a really, really nice compliment, TG, and I am duly flattered. Thank you.

[tin_heart_gal]

I used to do the same thing.

There wasn't much differance between marrige/divorce sex.
I still had to beg for it, and it still wasnt that good.
But I guess that is what I get for being young and naive.

I used to do it even after the divorce,
just because I needed to get laid.
I knew he was safe, and it was the familiararity
i sought.
I guess I wanted the connection as well.
It was a kind of a comfort in a time of being crazy and topsy turvery.

Now, I would as soon go without than to have to beg for it.

[Wanda Ring]

Heytallguy32, you're not a bad boy and lots of couples go through this. Love and sex are some of the most complicated emotional feelings that humans experience...When a marriage ends we tend to think we cant be friends or at least friendly and civil with each other---society dictates that we are at war once we get to the separation/divorce stage.

A lot of couples continue to have sex when they are heading for divorce because it feels safe, they know each other and a lot of pressure is off and they are ready to move on. Some couples see it as a way to say good-bye and a few others as a means of holding on and hoping that something can be worked out or something new can be found.

There is a song called Till I Can Make It On My Own, that speaks about these feelings when a couple splits up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3H6V7MD_7Q&feature=related

[tallguy32]

Good tune. Thank you.

[Dippy]

I understand why some people are comfortable with carrying on having sex, and I’m sure some people can be careful enough to conduct it successfully - if it's what you both want, and it's mutually rewarding, it doesn't make you bad at all...

But it's not something I've ever done, and I’d really struggle with it. I’d want it to mean more and turn it into something it wasn’t…. and I think it would give me a glimmer of hope, especially if our new sex life turned out to be better than ever before. I'd wonder if it was the sex that had caused the break-up? Hmmm, if we just carry on improving the sex....

When it comes to accepting what’s happening, I simply need the messages and evidence to point in the same direction: that I’m not loved as before and there’s nothing I can do about it. If I got back into bed with somebody I'd once adored, I’d be distraught if it didn’t instantly reaffirm everything. Sex is one area where I’m very self-aware, over-cautious, and protective. I know me, and my limitations, and it would leave me wide open to hurt. Still, I hope I could be tender and affectionate in my own way. I would continue to offer a shoulder to cry on, a warm smile, and a big hug.

[socialgirl73]

I have a confession...I have to let all of you know...sometimes I drive my daughter to school in my pajamas!!

[tallguy32]

I have a confession...I have to let all of you know...sometimes I drive my daughter to school in my pajamas!!



now that's funny.